Longing For the World Below
by The Shadowbeam
Summary: There comes a time in a person's life when they must look at all they have done and pass judgment. Are they walking down a golden road or is the path they are on leading into the abyss. As the ascended Dr. Daniel Jackson learns . . . this isn't easy.


Author's Notes:

**Spoilers**:A fanfiction based on "Stargate SG-1" taking place between the sixth season episode Full Circle (#132) and the seventh season episode Fallen (#133)

Contains references to Stargate: The movie, and the "Stargate:SG-1" episodes: Forever and a Day(#54), Absolute Power(#83), Ascension(#91), Meridian(#109),Abyss(#116), The Changeling (#129)Full Circle(#132), and Fallen(#133).

Words in _Italic_ is quotes from episodes. Words in **bold** is telepathic speech.

I don't have a beta reader, and although I have proofread this story, I am not perfect nor an English professor. Neither will I ever aspire to be an English professor, not that I have anything against them. If anyone would like to volunteer to beta my story, they are welcome to, but otherwise this is being presented as is.

This could be considered slightly AU due to the attitudes that are assumed, but otherwise fits cannon plot. In most fanfictions I have read with the ascended Daniel, he is usually bored, but essentially the same person. He is basically psychological sound and okay. But is that how it _really_ happened? I have nothing against the Ancients, but as a writer I like to explore different alterative viewpoints. Now onto the story. . .

* * *

_The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.  
Albert Einstein _

_

* * *

_I can still feel them.

Staff weapon fire picking them off like flies. Flies, amazing analogy no? Flies are but mere insects, creatures of limited mind, while the ones killed were multidimensional beings. Some of them only children, forced to kill. Children should never be forced to kill, to make that choice. No one should. However, what should happen and what does happen are two totally different things. I can feel them as they die, feel as their minds spark out, as their soul leaves them, as their bodies crash to the floor. I can still feel them.

I can still see them.

I can still hear them.

Most would find that amazing since I don't have ears to hear, but the fact remains-

I can still hear them.

_Hey Daniel, how you doing? Long time. How are things on the higher planes?_

Not good Jack. Not good at all.

The decision has been made, and I will stand by my decision before the entire universe if necessary. I know what must be done, because the alternative will destroy me. I must follow through with it and accept the consequences.

The screams of the dying claw at my mind. I remember them begging for their lives, begging me to help them. Or maybe I imagined it? Does it matter? I use this memory of what happened to strengthen my resolve, to fortify my commitment to what I must do.

An endless sea of blood spreads before my mind's eye, dark red with that tangible something that calls of innocence. Children falling into death, mothers and fathers crying as they shake their offspring, calling them to get up, but they never do. They are all there: young and old, men and women, alien and human, all dead. I remember standing on Abydos, watching them all die, watching as they screamed in terror. Hovering over it was the dark mind of the partially ascended Anubis. He crackled with glee. He called me to fight him, to make him bleed, to make him suffer. He gloated, knowing that the Others, the other higher beings, the Ancients, would prevent me from doing so. His arrogance sealed my decision; I know that I must take this step.

_Strike me down. Do it now or I will destroy Abydos._

I am moving down a hallway made of golden light and shadows the colour of every star. This world, as I see it, is merely the creation of my mind. The true world around me cannot be described in the words of the lower beings, although I have tried. I say 'move' instead of 'walk' because I am merely a ball of energy, a crystal ball of light and power, glowing with the light of a thousand stars.

A thousand stars, all of which have died.

Everything dies.

_Everything._

Once I was a man, a man called Daniel Jackson. He was average height with brown hair and blue eyes, two arms and two legs. He was a human being from the planet called Earth. The Tau'ri as they are called, the planet where the Ancients once dwelled. He loved learning and he loved living. Peace was the way of that man, who always sought the peaceful path, sometimes in direct opposition of his leader yet friend Colonel Jack O'Neill. Although peaceful he fought a race of evil aliens called the Goa'uld who were trying to enslave the galaxy. He fought with Jack, along with the Jaffa Teal'c and another human, Major Samantha Carter. Together they (we?), went through the stargate. The stargate on Earth is one of many, which is part of a system of stargates that can transport you to anywhere in the galaxy, a network created by the Ancients.

Together they formed a quartet not just of teammates but also of friends. To those three people Daniel was a friend. He was a man they could count on, a friend who they all loved like a brother. Where he didn't find a place with the cold and closed minded academic community, after having expressed his theories on the true age of the pyramids, Daniel Jackson found a place with SG-1. He was a good man.

I am no longer that man. I am no longer _a man._ I have no body, no corporeal form although I can emulate one. When I first ascended, I remember longing for my body. I recall craving for the ability to connect to others, for touch.

Now there is nothing. I remember virtually nothing of the temporal, nothing of the corporeal realm. I vaguely remember Sha're, my late wife, on those dark desert nights, wrapping her warm womanly body around mine, as we descended into love making. I remember feeling happy, I remember that I felt emotions, but the actual emotions themselves I cannot call up. I cannot remember the love I must have felt nor the fury when Teal'c killed her. It is as if I never knew her, as if what happened was between her and another man.

For the longest time I pretended to be as I was, pretended to be Daniel. I tried to accomplish this by appearing before Jack, who for some reason could always bring the man out in me, the human in me. Strange in a way, he is so different from me. He is a soldier, a fighter, a warrior. I was an academic, a scholar, a. . .well a geek. Despite being his polar opposite, Jack was Daniel's. . .my best friend. He teased me, asked me questions, wondered to me aloud and in his mind why I wasn't using my powers to stop Ba'al from torturing him.

For those beneath me it must be puzzling. Daniel Jackson after all was a good man, why wouldn't he protect the innocents with all the power he now wields. Sam felt hurt that I didn't visit her, that I appeared before Teal'c and Jack, but not her. Why didn't I see them more often? Why indeed?

_Ah actually a funny thing happened to me, today, I'm riding an elevator and an old friend of mine, someone who never calls, never writes just shows up and tells me all about this very important and apparently urgent mission that needs my attention._

The problem is that I am no longer Daniel Jackson. The creature I have become is . . . distanced from it all. I cannot feel the love I felt for my friends, once so powerful, now it is an abstract concept that my mind cannot grasp. They will die soon, this I know. All within the galaxy will die. Where they go Oma doesn't know, but she tells me this is the way. It is all happening so quickly and I can see it all. The screaming and the dying, everywhere, and yet I am distanced, and yet I am far away from it all.

It cannot touch me.

I can't die, as an ascended being, this I know, more than anything else. If there is a way to kill me, to move me to where my friends will eventually go, I do not know. I am eternal, I can never die, stars can, people can, the universe itself can, but never I.

As a creature of the higher planes this does not trouble me. I am comfortable with my invulnerability. I am comfortable with my higher state of being. This I accept. It is all so distant from me, Teal'c will die first, this I know. Then Jack will die, then Sam will die. They will die. I can see it now. From the hands of another or from the sands of time it does not matter. This I understand.

Oma told me that ascension is the beginning of a journey. What she didn't tell me was that the journey is living above everything and watching the universe live on in a way you cannot understand. I tried to . . . I really did. The Others have given up, they have lost the understanding that they had and the journey is finding that understanding.

The understanding of the world below. This is an understanding that Jack, Sam, and Teal'c all have, being creatures of the mortal plane of the universe. This understanding is what those of the planet Earth and other planets would call the capacity for empathy, compassion, and humanity. But I am beyond it, beyond the circles of their world. I am removed, I am cold, it is like I have lost my soul, or some part of myself that makes me human.

When I first arrived here I was shocked at the attitude that the Others adhered to, it was not what I had expected. The Others have a philosophy of solipsism, which they cling to desperately, because beneath the surface of their minds they fear the truth. The truth that they are unquestionably psychopathic, to a degree that would shock a human and even a Goa'uld. A Goa'uld for crying out loud, as Jack would so eloquently put it. Psychopaths don't feel human emotions, or at least the full extent of human emotions and neither do the Others.

Neither do I.

You see solipsism is a psychopath's philosophy, because for those who feel no pain, expresses no fear, are beyond consequences, and are forever immune to empathy, then it makes sense that nothing exists but one's own consciousness, because to believe so otherwise would be tantamount to admitting that one is evil. This denial must be embraced and the truth must be avoided at all costs. For a race that seems to value logic, knowledge, and truth, so much that they built the stargate, this is incredibly ironic.

I too have begun to change internally, my mind embracing this morosophy, this lifestyle of avoidance, of denial. If I deny the universe, then I can do no wrong. But this is the antithesis of my personal psychology and life's philosophy, so much that I have been forced to delude myself into believing that it is not so. I am weary of life and all it stands for, because I have lost not only what makes me human, but what makes me _me_. I long for death in a way that only the suicidal can understand, I crave it to the point that for a moment I feel that emotion may overtake me, but it doesn't. And yet at the same time I am satisfied with life and I am content with the status quo. If Jack were to know my current frame of mind I can image that he would say, "Spacemonkey you are seriously messed up."

Who am I kidding? Oma lied, there is no journey, only life, too much life, eternity. I cannot die, however much I wish it and I am barred from this understanding, I am barred from love. This is why some of the old Ancients chose to die rather than ascend. They knew what awaited them, immortality without end, eternity without life, forever without love.

That is what I crave, even if weakly. Love is an abstract concept to me, something that can be debated, argued, or refuted. But I cannot feel it and this has left a hole in me, a hole that cannot be filled.

_Personally I think this whole ascension thing is a bit overrated._

Jack you have no idea.

Oma helped the people of Abydos ascend; she knew that I was troubled. If I was Daniel Jackson, the man I once was, I would despair, but here all I can feel is a vague sense of unease. Oma didn't like that, so she tried to help me, to get rid of that sense of unease. In a way she is much more of a child than I am. Oma has long lost her sense of the universe; she has long lost her humanity, if it ever existed. At times I question my own, for even now my own humanity is dwindling away. Why she even cared that I was troubled is a mystery to me? I certainly wouldn't care if she was unhappy. Perhaps she felt that if I was troubled I would not be as receptive to her teachings, something she takes pleasure from doing. This will continue until I am like Oma . . . an eternal being forever removed from what had made me human.

I remember what happened when the people of Abydos where threatened by Anubis. My response was to do nothing, it did not concern me, and the few traces of humanity were gone from my psyche, gone forever.

Or so I thought.

_He stole some Naqahdriah for us. He took a big risk, he said it was because of what you did. I think it could be important and I wanted you to know that. You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things, it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew. _

Sam's right. The mortal . . . the human Daniel did have a large impact on people. He did make a difference in the lives of others. The greatest irony, something that I can't understand but that I can see in an abstract sense, is that the biggest influence he had was on himself . . . or rather on me.

From deep within my soul, Daniel Jackson arose and confronted me. How this could happened, I do not know. I didn't even realize that there was anything human left in me. Before I tried to help Jack from Ba'al mostly out of habit, not out of feeling. I felt disturbed that my humanity was leaving and I clung to it.

The lower beings aren't the only ones who partake in denial after all. But it was for no reason. Jack got out and really did it matter at all whether he did or not. Jack will die no matter what. Maybe it was the thought that Jack's humanity would be taken as well. Being tortured and revived in that wonderful yet horrible piece of Goa'uld technology called a sarcophagus can turn you into a hollow man. This hit far too close to home and so in helping him I was selfishly trying to appease my own loss of humanity. In reality I didn't want him to ascend; I would have rather seen Jack die than be subjected to this harsh half life that I am trapped in.

_Maybe they just don't care?_

Jack was right, the others don't care and neither do I. I don't care about Jack. I don't care about anything. Everything dies and why should I care if the mortals perish. They will anyhow. Why should I care about their suffering? They will suffer anyhow. Why should I care at all about anything, anything at all?

_Why have the Others allowed him to remain that way?_

Oh Teal'c, must you ask? He did though, and so did Sam and Jack, at least within their heads. SG-1 has often wondered why the Ancients were unable to destroy Anubis. After all, the higher beings outnumber him by far and if they were to combine their strength wouldn't they be able to destroy him, Anubis is only half ascended. Unfortunately what they don't realize is that we higher beings don't care. That is why the Others only half heartedly tried to descend Anubis, because Anubis wasn't that big a threat. Kill the lower beings, sure why not but we must keep up appearances, appearances for who I have yet to figure out.

_You can do nothing but stand there and utter empty threats because I know what you are._

Anubis, Anubis, even you can understand what we higher beings have become. He knows because part of him is like we ascended beings, but he is removed enough to mock it, being the Goa'uld that he is.

Evil isn't just the lust of blood, the sadistic joy of destruction. Evil is also not caring. Evil is refusing to help, because the will does not exist. Evil is the absence of what could be called mortal knowledge and all that it entails.

Evil is what I am becoming.

This situation is very similar to when I gained the ancestral memories of the Goa'uld in that dream given to me by Shifu. Only that evil Daniel had passion. That Daniel was a Goa'uld, he was a killer. He became as evil as any Goa'uld. Yet he was still human, which makes it either better or worse than my current predicament. In that dream my humanity was destroyed by the evil of the Goa'uld. This is a different kind of evil, the evil of doing nothing. Remember that old saying; that the only way for evil to survive is for good people to do nothing. I have become the evil of nothingness. I will not conquer or destroy but only because it holds no meaning for me. But neither will I help or save, because that holds no meaning for me either.

Oma told me that the only thing we can control is whether we are good or evil. She lied to me, as now I have no control, just a long slide into an icy darkness of indifference.

This is why Orlin descended, he wanted the knowledge of mortality too as much as I suspect he wanted to jump into bed with Sam. However, in descending he fell into the trap of believing that by ascending once more he could fix the guilt that developed over the destruction that his gift of technology caused. Guilt I believe only surfaced once he was descended.

_Because despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have, might have, grown to admire you a little, I think._

Yeah Jack now I'm a big evil pain in the ass. Can you admire me now, as I watch the innocence die and not care? Can you Jack? Can anyone?

We are not true ascended beings, not like the Other Ones, the ones who watched in sadness of our plight. The Other Ones who, eons ago, were one with their power and helped people, they comforted the dying, and they helped those who were lost in dreams. And if the galaxy would die they would intervene. They would teach. They are gone now, only a few are left and they stay away, because we forced them away. If we admit they are right, that their path is the good one, we by default admit that we are evil. It is something that we are in denial of.

_Wait; let me tell it, it's good. You see this buddy of mine, this pal, this chum has ascended to a whole new level of existence. Do you see the irony? He's asking for my help and he's this great and powerful being._

I think Jack that the irony is going to kill me.

We are not as they are, they have it all, the true knowledge that exists, the true knowledge that the humans and those like them do hold. Love, life, laughter, and joy, along with mercy, empathy, and compassion. All that embodies the knowledge that we the untrue ascended have lost they have kept. The Ancients have searched for this knowledge, because it holds a different sort of power, and they have never found it. However their search is half hearted for they have long lost their sense of the mortal world, their sense of humanity. That is gone.

Ascension is much the same. The knowledge of my higher state isn't softened by the knowledge of the lower world, I am in a sense not a true higher being. I have the powers of one but the knowledge that I have been given is slowly killing the knowledge I had. Eventually all that will remain will be a higher being distanced from the universe with no capacity for empathy or compassion.

And that is what I am losing. But the part of me that clings to that knowledge is still trying to live. When I found out what Anubis was up to I didn't feel that I needed to interfere. Maybe he would destroy the people of my late wife's world. Maybe Anubis would gain power that would enable him to destroy and conquer. What did it matter, they all die anyhow?

_And I will have lost one of my greatest friends._

It is that friend, that part of me that Teal'c identified, that rose up. Daniel Jackson would not let me quietly watch. I remember it clearly, I was moving along the paths of the higher realms when the part of me that is human sprung up. Daniel Jackson stood before me, his brown hair and blue eyes gazing at me with the knowledge I sought. He was dressed as he was before he came down with radiation poisoning, and he stood before me confused and alone. I observed him, intrigued at the manifestation of my mortal human self taking on a physical form.

His mind had created a world within the higher realms, one that he could comprehend. Whiteness spread as far as the eye could see and light came from no source. He stared around in wonder.

Standing up fully and gazing around in wonder, he asked aloud, "Where am I?"

Intrigued by the possibility of communicating with myself I responded directly to his mind, **You are here.**

Daniel's head jerked up and stared at me, to his eyes I was only a ball of multicolored floating energy. He stared at me and said in a questioning tone, sounding hesitant, "Oma?"

**No, **I responded.

He frowned,"Then who are you."

**I am you, **I told him as I floated around him, forcing him to turn to keep me in his sight. Silly mortal, didn't he realize that he had no body, and thus no eyes, there.

His eyes widened in shock. "How can that be so, I am here and you . . . what?"

**I am you, **I repeated. Was I really that dense when I was human? I had already told him that.

"But . . . I thought that I ascended? I mean just a few moments ago I said good bye to Jack, so where is here and who are you? Because you aren't me, I'm me, if that makes any sense."

I circled him and descended downward, my energy form emulating his body.

His eyes went wide again and he looked at me in amazement.

"You have ascended into me," I say to him calmly. Perhaps as a human he will understand me more.

"Have I?" he shook his head in confusion. "Is this some sort of test? Come on you're Oma right?"

"No"I said, "I am you, you are a part of me that split off because of your pain, I am the part of you that has since stabilized."

"I don't understand," he shook his head again. "Your saying my mind has split in two or something like that."

I nod. It seemed appropriate.

"Pain," he looked at me again, that time in question, for clarification. "You mean from the radiation poisoning."

"No."

"Then from what?" He asked.

"From that which gives you pain, inner pain."

Daniel frowned, then his eyes lit up in horror, he had just remembered what he already knew before.

"Anubis," he cried out, "I have to stop him" he turned away and started moving in the other direction.

"Why," I asked frowning a little.

He stopped walking (and really, where did he think he could go? We were in the higher planes after all), and turned back looking utterly baffled, "Why? Because they will die; that's why. Because Anubis will be more powerful, he will take over; he will ruin so many lives."

I shrugged, "they will die anyway, if not from Anubis then from time or diseases or other things. As for Anubis's power, why does that matter? It does not affect us."

Daniel Jackson shook his head, he looked more and more confused and outraged, "What do you mean it does not affect us? It's our world, our adopted planet, how could it not affect us?"

"This is our world now," I gestured to the surrounding. "The concerns of those beneath do not affect us. You must release your burden of your former life."

Daniel looked at me incredulously. "I ascended to help people, to do more for the universe."

"Why does it matter?" I was confused, I didn't understand why he was so upset, so distressed at the idea of Anubis taking the eye of Ra and destroying Abydos.

Daniel blinked a few times, and then stared at me again like I was a fool. He was obviously having trouble conveying what to him must have seemed like easy knowledge but to me was beyond my comprehension.

"Because, it is the right thing to do," he said slowly. "Because innocents will die, you must know that once Anubis gets the eye of Ra, he will destroy Abydos. He's a Goa'uld, it's what they do."

"Why does it matter?" I asked.

"You don't understand, "he said in disbelief. "You don't understand this at all."

"No my humanity has been taken from me," I conveyed to him, trying to understand why this outraged him.

"No," He said to himself and sat down on the ground, "this is wrong, you can't be me."

"But I am you. I am the higher being that you are in the process of becoming. Once the transformation is complete there will be only I. You will cease to exist. It is enviable" as I said that to him he shook his head in denial and looked at me in growing horror.

"No! This is not right . . . I can't turn into you . . . you are . . . not me."

"How so," I asked him. "Save for this knowledge, I am exactly like you. I have your personality, your intelligence, your mind, your knowledge." I leaned down and whispered," I even have your soul." At least I think I do, perhaps that was my soul I was speaking to?

Fear entered his eyes and he started to back away, muttering softly, "You're a monster."

I looked at him and say, "Perhaps, but since I am you I want this knowledge that you hold, but I cannot retain it if you perish, so you must live." It was all very logical.

Daniel closed his eyes, then opened them, his face determined, "you must stop Anubis, I mean we must stop him."

"The Others won't like that," I informed him.

Daniel then sprang to his feet and said,"who cares what the Others think, if you want me to live, then you must do this, you must stop this."

"They will stop me."

"Then try anyhow, do whatever you must, we must stop Anubis."

"And if we do that then I will have some of this knowledge you hold."

"Maybe," Daniel said quietly, "I don't know."

Neither of us did. So we appeared to Jack as one and lead him back to my deceased wife's home world. Daniel wanted to do more, he wanted to use our powers to destroy Anubis, but I felt that strategy was more logical.

He was so much weaker than I. Already he was fading from the universe, dying. But in many ways he was stronger, so much more passionate then I am. I crave his compassion. I yearn to understand his humanity.

I was Daniel Jackson after all, and I feel pleasure with new discoveries, no matter the way of the Ancients.

So we made a deal with Anubis. Daniel was skeptical although he wished to give him the benefit of the doubt, if only for the sake of his world, for there was no other option. I was curious and wished to learn more when we discover that Anubis was part higher being and in many ways more powerful than I am. Since he still has mortal knowledge, however twisted or perverse, he has more power and more passion than us. Further, his mind is not split like I and my human self Daniel. He knew that and mocked us for it.

Then he betrayed us (big surprise) and destroyed the planet of Abydos. Daniel urged me, compelled me to try and stop him. In that moment he was the one in control, he was the one who spoke. He tried but he failed.

The Others pulled him out, while I stood back and watched.

Now we are here, over the planet where the Ancients once dwelled and lived with all the passion and glory that life offers. The setting is appropriate and I know it will be the last place they will look if they wish for me to join them again. And my decision is made, I hope that my mortal side will agree.

The assembly of Ancients had decided that the knowledge my mortal side holds was useless and not worthy of a higher being like me. They urged me to purge myself of this part. They told me that the knowledge will corrupt me; it is of the lower plains while I am of the high plains.

_The universe is vast and we are so small. There is only one thing we can truly control._

You were so wrong Oma, why did you trick me . . .

**Destroy Daniel Jackson,** they insisted. **Destroy him now, we will not stand for his presence and his humanity, it is not the way of the higher beings.**

And now here I am, my decision made.

I stand before him as an ascended being. He heard what they said. There is only one option left. Now I must convince my mortal self to go through with it, if he doesn't agree, he will die. Thus I am certain that he will agree. Do not the mortals cling to life?

"So because I love the people of Abydos, because I wanted them to live, I must die," He looks at me with his sad blue eyes, his mind screaming that this isn't fair.

**Yes.**

"What about Oma, she ascended them, why would she care either way." I can tell that he is desperate to find a way out of this, he doesn't want to die, although I suspect that he neither wants to live like this. I can't say I blame him.

**She cared because you care and you are a part of me. Her way is to let others into the higher plains because that is how she obtains satisfaction. From the beginning, that has been her goal, to gain a student.**

"This is all just some game to you isn't it," Daniel says as he glares at me ", you are all evil."

**Are we,** I ask?

"Yes you are," he says with complete certainty.

I take his form.

I stare at him and then stare at myself. I want the knowledge of humanity. I want to feel love and compassion. I want to feel life. If Daniel Jackson dies, then I will not.

We are still connected, he and I, and the screams of the dead ring in my ears. The thrill of life is just beyond my grasp.

_You can never have it,_ I remember Anubis mocking me. _You are one of those cold ones, you are without a soul and as soon as the human in you dies you will be as the Others. Watching and not taking part. You will be a silent watcher and utterly useless. _

He is right and so is Daniel.

I stand before my mortal self, Dr. Daniel Jackson, who sacrificed himself to save a world that was not his own. That fought to save the woman he loved, but failed. That forgave a man, well an alien technically, that condemned his wife and brother-in-law to a fate worse than death out of mercy. He is a much better entity than I am, a much better man. He is the one who should survive. I have made my decision and I will stand by it, I do not feel any compassion but I know that he is better than me. I want his knowledge, his compassion; I want to stop this emptiness that threatens to consume me till I am a shell floating beyond the comprehension of the minds of those below. I want to live.

"Then we must leave," I tell him. "I don't understand you or the way your mind works. I cannot comprehend it. I will let you leave because in the act of leaving perhaps you can show me the world through you eyes, and if we are one then that will be so."

Daniel looks at me in shock. "Leave, you mean descend?"

I nod.

"Then what was the point in all this," Daniel cries out in frustration. "I just descend down and die."

"No," I assure him. "You will live, but I ask that you let me see the world through your eyes before I fade away."

"In order for me to live you must die, "he says sadly. "Why?"

Why indeed?

But this is what we will do. I feel no fear although I can tell that Daniel is nervous, he is human after all. I touch him on the shoulder, and then turning to energy I fill him. His mind explodes with the higher knowledge I hold, and completely at my mercy he joins me as I turn back to energy, this time taking him with me. I descend downward with him and suddenly I am encased in flesh, naked, and my eyes are open and staring into the sky.

And for one moment we are one. I see it now. I am Daniel Jackson and I am a human being and I will not let my friends die, I will find my way home and even if I must die I will save them. They are my family, SG-1, the universe is my home. The coldness and the distance is gone, I am finally home.

I smile. I have retained some of my abilities, and yet I am a mortal man now.

Then suddenly an entire convoy of Ancients appear before me. They are angry with me, furious at what I have done. I have shared my knowledge of the higher plains with a mortal and then I descended. With the knowledge I now hold, the entire knowledge of the Ancients, I will be a threat to them. Anubis was never a threat, he would have never revealed anything, but I will. I am more powerful than Anubis because I have retained more powers than he did.

They rape my mind and they steal my knowledge away. Along with it my identity goes, my memories of being Daniel Jackson. I fight them, I push them with my powers, but they are so strong. I could have done so much, but they are afraid of me. I fear the worst, that I will be left stranded, so with the last of my powers I reach out and plant the knowledge of this world inside Jonas's mind. It will be some time, perhaps a few months, until Jonas can access this knowledge. I would rather Jonas access it right away, but already I am weak.

They push me downwards and I scream, calling to Skaara, "brother, help me", but the cold part of him makes him stand back.

This is wrong . . . why are they doing this to me? Why didn't they let me stop Anubis? The other part of me that was cold is now merged with me and has been heated up.

Falling to the ground, devote of my knowledge and powers, I nod my head in agreement before all my knowledge of the higher planes and my status as a higher being leave me. As my memory fades away, I know another truth that they have ignored.

It is better to live as a mortal who has the capacity for compassion and love than to exist as a higher being only subject to the cold whims of the higher realms. Now for the first time in a long time I am as I should be.

I am alive.

I am human.

And finally I am who I am meant to be-

I am Daniel Jackson.

* * *

In season nine there is the assumption that the Ancients are good and the Ori are evil. Perhaps the Ancients are merely the lesser of two evils. One more thing to note: the Other Ones that I mentioned are not the Ori, they are another alien race not even connected to the Ancients, who first showed them how to ascend and paid the ultimate price. I might write about them some day. Anyhow read and review, let me know what you think about this story. 


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